Ruby shoots Jaune in the Nuts
by God Emperor Penguin
Summary: Ruby shoots Jaune in the nuts.


**Summary:** _Ruby shoots Jaune in the nuts._

 **Ruby shoots Jaune in the Nuts**

Jaune Arc, and now last of his bloodline, screamed out in pain.

"I'm sorry Jaune! I'm so sorry! I'm so so sorry!"

"It hurts! It hurts so much!" Jaune screamed as he clutched his nethers. His jeans turned dark from the blood. "I can't feel anything Ruby. I CAN'T FEEL ANYTHING."

Ruby took in deep breaths. Jaune wasn't going to like this.. "Because there's nothing there, Jaune…"

Jaune looked at Ruby, terrible pain in his eyes. "Yes. Thank you. Thank you so much for the obvious!" Jaune spat as he rolled on the grass, resuming his screaming.

Ruby's lips quivered until she sank to her knee. She had lost strength in her legs. "I'm so sorry Jaune! I just wanted to show you that cool gun twirl I saw on the SchneeTube!"

Jaune slammed his forehead against the grassy ground. This training field was empty except for the two young Beacon students and Jaune's anguished cries.

"I'll never have kids again. I've failed you father, grandfather…" Jaune whimpered. "It hurts… it hurts so much…"

"D-do you want me to kiss it?"

"WHAT?" Jaune roared.

Ruby felt tears well up in her eyes. "It's just that when I get boo boos my dad kisses them… you know like when you scrap your knees-"

Jaune released his hands, thrusting his pelvis in Ruby's direction. A small bit of blood and nether matter sputtered on Ruby's face like sprinkles on a donut. There was nothing in Jaune's crotch. Only an ever expanding red torrent of blood.

"YOU THINK KISSING THIS WILL MAKE IT ALRIGHT?"

Ruby began sobbing wildly.

"I-I'm s-s-so s-s-sorry!" Ruby wailed.

The two continued wailing as a yellow and black pair approached.

"I can't believe you ate it…" Blake sighed.

"Oh quiet you. It was a perfectly good jelly bean." Yang bit on it some more. "Kind of chewy though. Also tastes really raw, like some kind of meat flavored jelly bean."

"I'm a thousand percent sure that wasn't a jelly bean."

"Okay then, Miss Know-It-All, what was it then? Hm? Hmm?" Yang continued chewing. "Wait. Do you hear that?" Yang's sister senses were tingling. There's a close-up to Yang's face. " _Ruby's crying._ "

"You mean you haven't been hearing the crying all this time?" Blake asked with a raised brow. They continued walking towards the source of the cries. "It's the reason why we're walking here."

"Sorry, I chew pretty loud- WHOA WHAT THE FUDGE HAPPENED TO YOU JAUNE!"

"I'm dying. Help me. I can't… I can't feel my legs…"

Blake sniffed the air. "I'm pretty sure you lost control of your bowels as well."

Yang meanwhile comforted her sister.

"There there, sis… it's okay. We all accidentally shoot off our best friend's crotch from time to time." Yang said with a smile and jelly bean red greasing her teeth. Yang turned to Blake. "Hey! Say something to comfort my sister!"

Blake looked at Jaune, who had gone pale from the blood loss. He'll be fine, Blake figured.

"Uhm… do you want gum? My parents always gave me gum when I felt down."

Ruby sniffled. "I-I do want gum…"

Yang bite her thumbnail in thought. "Damn. I don't have any gum on me." She chewed a bit on her jellybean. "Aha! But I do have this!"

Yang withdrew another jelly bean she found. It was covered in a bit of dust and gunpowder but she blew it off with a kiss.

"Here ya go Ruby! Flesh-flavored jelly bean, just for the special little girl! I found it on the floor, just for you!"

"R-really?"

Ruby took it into her mouth and began to chew. Then her eyes began welling up even more.

"This tastes terrible!" Ruby sobbed between chews of the bloody ball. "I hate it!" Despite the terrible taste, Ruby continued chewing it. The flavor was beginning to grow on her.

Blake looked back at Jaune. "Shouldn't we get him to the infirmary soon?"

Yang threw a thumbs up. "Don't you worry about that. I've got a plan!"

* * *

 _Later that night…_

Weiss was studying at her desk. Her friends had gone for a girl's night out in town.

"But you're bringing Jaune with you," Weiss had protested at the air dock. "He's not a girl."

Blake had coughed, trying to suppress a laugh.

"Yeah, er… about that… we're trying to get Jaune more in touch with his feminine side… yeah!" Yang had explained before chucking Jaune's limp body into the transport. "Seeya in the morning!"

Weiss had huffed and puffed with a haughty cross of her arms. "Let them go out to town! I'll be diligent in my studies!"

And so, Weiss continued studying the complex strategies of getting bullets through the skulls of her enemies.

Weiss' scroll then lit up.

It was Winter.

"Hey Sis, what's-?"

"DON'T YOU ' _WHAT SIS_ ' ME. CARE TO EXPLAIN?"

Weiss nearly dropped her scroll. "W-Winter, what's wrong?"

"YOU TELL ME WHAT'S WRONG, WEISS! OR SHOULD I SAY… WEISS-MAN?"

"What are you talking about?"

"Father and I desperately want to know about a certain charge on your credit card. We hope that your time at Beacon hasn't made you some kind of sick deviant!"

"A charge? For what, if I may ask?" Weiss demanded to know in an irritated tone.

"Phallus constructive surgery."


End file.
